Introduction to the Book

Announcement:
I have started a new blog at that is focused on Personal and Career Development for Young Professionals. It can be found at www.MarcosSalazar.com. As opposed to straight out career blogs that cover resumes, the job search, or interviewing skills, I will taking a psychology approach to not only these parts of your career but also will be covering the personal, social, and workforce challenges that college graduates and young professionals are facing in the 21st century. As I did in The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide, I utilize a psychological approach to covering these topics and will be integrating important research within real life situations to provide practical advice for people's personal and professional development (if you have read The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide you know what I mean).

Some of the topics I will be covering are:

• learning how to find and follow what you love doing
• practical steps on how to get into Flow at work
• understanding the psychology of happiness and affective forecasting
• managing the tyranny of choice
• learning how to cultivate your emotional and cultural intelligence
• networking in the internet age
• learning how to brand yourself professionally
• discovering how to use blogging as a professional tool (it is the new resume of our generation)
• how to become more of an entrepreneur
• using social-networking for professional advancement
• getting over post-college depression
• helping to answer all those questions that we work through during our 20s and 30s such as: Who am I? Who do I want to become? Where am I going? What are my passions in life? Am I making the right decisions?

So I hope you take a look at the site, subscribe, and share it with friends.

Take care!

- Marcos Salazar
www.marcossalazar.com

____________________________

        It wasn’t too hard to see the frustration on her face when she told us, “There really isn’t a guide on how to live your life after college!” A group of friends and I were having some drinks on a nice summer day when Heather, a twenty-six-year-old friend of a friend, happened to join us. When she walked up to our table, I noticed that her demeanor didn’t fit too well with the beautiful weather that sunny day. You could clearly see that something heavy was weighing on her mind, and it looked like it had been there for quite some time. She grabbed a seat across from me and as we chatted about our lives and what had brought us to Washington, DC, I happened to mention that I was working on a book about the psychology of life after college. As I began telling her that the book was about the new challenges twentysomethings were facing as they made the transition from college to today’s working world, I could see I’d piqued her interest. What I soon realized was that by mentioning the topic of the book, I had turned on an emotional faucet within her. In an instant she quickly started pouring out all the personal struggles she had grappled with since leaving college.

        She began to talk about how lost she’d felt since graduation and how she didn’t really know what she wanted to do with her life. She spoke about hating her job and wanting to quit so she could move somewhere new. But almost in the same breath she mentioned that she wasn’t sure what she would do if she moved because she didn’t have much money and it was hard to find a good job with just a college degree. Her words sounded really familiar to me. I could easily empathize because, not only did I go through my own personal struggles after graduation, but I also had heard this kind of experience time and time again from almost every twentysomething I had encountered.

        It was after her catharsis about postcollege life that Heather complained that she couldn’t even find much guidance about how to get through this period. “I mean,” she laughed, “why can’t there be some sort of guidebook for this stuff?” This didn’t surprise me because other twentysomethings had told me the exact same thing and each time I heard them say it, I knew they weren’t talking about a guide on how to write a resumé, find an apartment, or explain a 401(k). Yes, these were important aspects of postcollege life, but what twentysomethings were really looking for was a book that helps graduates deal with all the psychological challenges that arise the moment they leave college and begin the rest of their lives. This need is the reason I decided to write The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide.

 

graduation and the loss of identity

        When graduation came around, I really didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, so I moved around quite a bit. First, I moved to New Haven, then to Boston, Washington, DC, Taos, New Mexico, Barcelona, again to Taos, and finally back to DC—all in the span of a few years. Not only did I hop around from city to city, but I also hopped from job to job. First I was a personal trainer, then an intern for a political nonprofit, a cycling instructor, a substitute teacher, a case manager at a mental health clinic, a born-again student in Barcelona, a gym membership salesman, and finally, a researcher at the American Psychological Association. I was all over the place my first years out, and what I quickly learned during my postcollege journey was that I wasn’t alone.

        During my travels I encountered a wide array of twentysomethings who were doing the exact same thing I was. And it wasn’t a specific type of twentysomething either. I met recent graduates at various points during their twenties who went to many different sizes and types of schools, majored in everything from Spanish to neuroscience, and came from every socioeconomic background. As a psychologist by nature, I would always ask them about their travels, and what I found was that people in their twenties were constantly hopping from job to job and city to city in search of what seemed to be something that their current lives were not providing them. As I continued to listen to all their stories, I realized that there was something we all had in common that was at the heart of today’s postcollege experience: after graduation, all the rules of life completely change. The educational structure we’ve lived in since childhood completely disintegrates, and we are forced to shed the identity of a student. What we then do during our twenties is search for a new identity to help steer us through the world we’ll be living in for the rest of our lives.

 

a search for a new vision of self

        Growing up, life mostly revolved around being a student inside a highly structured educational system. There was always a detailed path laid out for you with clear, specific goals to achieve at every level of the system. Academic rites of passage such as papers, exams, and the SATs gave your life purpose and direction all the way up until college graduation. In this familiar academic world, you always knew what to expect and how to apply your intellectual skills to accomplish all that you needed to. And if you had questions, there were resources available to help. But this all changes as soon as you grab your diploma and say good-bye to the college campus.

         After graduation, the educational path you’ve followed all your life disappears and you’re forced to create your own structure and a revised identity in a whole new world outside of school. This major life transition quickly triggers an intense period of reevaluating who you are and who you want to become—two psychological processes I describe as a search for a new vision of self. This search is a universal experience among graduates, and it all stems from having to answer that one basic question that confronts you as soon as you accept your diploma: What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

        However, as soon as you ask this existential question, you quickly realize that there isn’t a clear and easy answer. In fact, by asking it you open up the floodgates to countless others: Who am I? Who do I want to become? Where am I going? What are my passions in life? Which direction do I want to go in? How do I deal with all the choices out there? Am I making the right decisions? Why is the real world so different than I pictured it? Why is it so difficult to meet people? Will I achieve all the dreams I had in college? Will I ever find a job that I love? Am I an adult? Will I ever truly be happy?

 

        These are some of the thoughts that can plague your consciousness after graduation. These are the soul-searching questions that can keep you awake until three in the morning, and no matter how much you try to ignore or delay answering them, they are always there in the back of your mind, waiting for you to respond. They pop up the moment you leave college, on the first day of your job, when you try to meet new friends, when you go out on a first date, when you wake up in the morning to go to work, and each night when you go to bed. The search for answers to these questions is one of the most important challenges—as well as one of the greatest opportunities—that you’ll experience during your postcollege years, and the methods you use in answering them will eventually determine the kind of life you create for yourself during your twenties.

new-world rules, old-school tools

        But let’s be honest here: we’re not the first generation to travel through school and make the transition into the working world. Millions of college graduates in the past have done it, so what makes today’s twentysomethings so special that they need a guide to life in the twenty-first century? Why not use the advice given to previous generations: “Study hard, get good grades, go to college, find a steady job, get married, buy a house, raise a couple of kids, and have a nice life.” It certainly wasn’t a smooth ride for everyone, but this life philosophy provided a solid line to follow and was a logical path for success and stability. So, the obvious truth is that leaving academia and entering the working world is not unique to our generation. However, the world today’s twentysomethings are entering into after graduation is not the same one their parents transitioned into during their twenties. What emerged at the end of the twentieth century was a new social and economic reality, making the advice used by previous generations inapplicable to many of the challenges that twentysomethings face today.

 

        We live in a global economy characterized by accelerated scientific and technological breakthroughs, rapid change, endless amounts of information, and an unprecedented level of choice. When I graduated college in 2000, we were at a peak of this information-age economy with the dot-com boom. The kind of workers that were in demand then were people who were good at applying theoretical and analytical knowledge, such as computer programmers who could crank out code or MBAs who could crunch numbers. But just a few years later, this is no longer the case. As psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of the best-selling book Working with Emotional Intelligence, has found during his research: The rules for work are changing. We are being judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are or by our training and expertise, but also by how we handle ourselves and others … these rules have little to do with what we are told is important in school; academic abilities are largely irrelevant to this standard. The new measure takes for granted having enough intellectual ability and technical know-how to do our jobs; it focuses instead on personal qualities, such as initiative and empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness (1998, 3).

 

        In the past, young people were told that math, science, and technical skills were a permanent ticket to success, and much of today’s educational system is still a reflection of this thinking. However, more and more psychological research is showing that success in today’s new economy takes much more than intellectual excellence, technical expertise, and “book smarts.” What is required is a new kind of intelligence—psychological intelligence—and this shift can be seen in what businesses are wanting in new hires. In a national survey by Anthony Carnevale and his colleagues, employers were asked what they were looking for in entry-level workers (1990). Out of seven desired traits that were listed, only one was academic: competence in reading, writing, and math. All the others were psychological in nature, and what Goleman and other psychologists have found is that in order to succeed in today’s working world, a different type of intelligence is needed that includes psychological

skills such as:

 

_high levels of self-awareness

_ strong self-esteem

_ regulation of one’s emotional state

_ initiative and self-motivation

_ discipline and persistence

_ empathy and relationship building

_ conflict management

_ optimism

_ decision-making skills

_ goal setting and big-picture thinking

_ innovation and entrepreneurship

_ creativity

_ leadership

 

        But if you look at the skills above, how many of them were directly taught to you during your educational career? Probably none of them, and a major problem that today’s graduates are facing is that they’re coming out of college equipped with a set of skills that are becoming less and less important in today’s working world. As Goleman explains, “… your ability to perform at peak depends to a very great extent on your having these abilities—though almost certainly you were never taught them in school. Even so, your career will depend, to a greater or lesser extent, on how well you have mastered these capacities” (1998, 4).

 

        Now, my point here is not to bash our educational system. I loved my college experience and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. However, we must acknowledge and accept that the rules of the working world are rapidly transforming, and as they continue to change and evolve, so do the skills that graduates need. Since our educational system is not providing twentysomethings with these skills, one of the main purposes of The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide is to show how you can develop the kind of psychological intelligence that is becoming indispensable in today’s ever-changing, ultra-competitive global economy.

 

the ever-changing generation

        There has never been a generation that has grown up in a time of such extraordinary wealth than ours. The information age has provided us an unprecedented level of freedom, an unlimited amount of choice, and more material comforts than ever before. We have grown up with cell phones, BlackBerries, and iPods and are super savvy with all the technological gadgets that come out almost on a daily basis. We’ve lived in a time when computers and the Internet affect virtually every aspect of our personal and professional lives, and anything we want to know is just a Google search away. As psychologist Jane Brown from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill explains in Emerging Adults in America: Coming of Age in the Twenty-first Century: They are the first to have grown up learning their ABCs on a keyboard in front of a computer screen, playing games in virtual environments rather than backyards or neighborhood streets, making friends with people they have never and may never meet through internet chat rooms, and creating custom CDs for themselves and their friends. This new media environment is dramatically different from the one in which their parents grew up because it is more accessible, more interactive, and more under their control than any ever known before (2005, 279).

 

        We are also the most mobile and traveled generation in history. Many of us moved away for college, studied abroad for a semester or two, and now, during our twenties, constantly move from job to job and venture off to new cities every couple of years. We are in no hurry to achieve traditional markers of adulthood such as picking a set career, getting married and raising a family, or buying our first home. We simply want to experience all that life has to offer and don’t mind taking our time to do so.

 

        Now, do these many “firsts” combined with the new psychological challenges that twentysomethings are facing after college mean that a new generation is emerging? Recently, there’s been an attempt to stamp a number of different labels on today’s twentysomethings. Names like “adulescents,” “thresholders,” “kiddles,” and “twixters” have all been used to try to describe our generation. But the truth is, these labels sound more like names for candy bars and dog food rather than terms describing what our generation is experiencing at the beginning of the twenty-first century. As a twentysomething, when I hear these names I not only cringe, but feel insulted, because these labels have a negative connotation and, quite frankly, are condescending. None of these terms address the myriad of issues twentysomethings are dealing with today. The truth is we are an ever-changing generation, constantly transforming ourselves and our lives just as rapidly as the constantly changing world around us. This is why lumping twentysomethings into fleeting categories will never work. Instead of trying to put a whole generation of young people into a box with trendy names, it is much more constructive to provide a description that encapsulates the ever-changing lives of this generation. More importantly, it is essential to understand what actually has been created: a new and distinct transitional period after college called the turbulent twenties.

a crisis or grand opportunity?

        Over the past few years there’s been talk about how today’s postcollege transition will cause you to experience a “quarterlife crisis” during your twenties. Joining the ever-popular adolescent crisis, thirtysomething crisis, and mid-life crisis, if we were to follow this rationale by adding a quarterlife crisis to the list, it would mean our entire life is just one big crisis! Now, it’s true that twentysomethings who are unable or refuse to deal with the challenges of the turbulent twenties can develop serious psychological problems, such as intense feelings of doubt, anxiety, and depression—what I describe as the postcollege blues. But to label this whole period in life as a crisis is to subscribe to the view that life is something that one must endure rather than explore and enjoy. To believe that life during your twenties is eventually going to turn into a crisis is to expect to be automatically doomed after graduation. Instead, I will try to take a much more optimistic approach to what graduates are experiencing after college because our twenties don’t have to be all about stress, frustration, and disappointment. Rather, this time can be a great opportunity for self-discovery, self-fulfillment, and self-actualization.

 

a different book for your twenties

        Now, I want to point out that this book is not one of those resumé-building, cover-letter-writing, apartment-finding, after-college books that you can find on store shelves today. Yes, these are important aspects of twentysomething life. However, what books like those have ignored is the major psychological component to these postcollege issues. What makes The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide so different is that it’s the first book to help twentysomethings develop the psychological insight needed to adequately cope with the new and unique challenges you will face in all aspects of your postcollege life.

What I’ve discovered during my research is that it’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to effectively do all the things that those other books talk about if you’re struggling psychologically and unable to cope with the challenges and daily stress of the turbulent twenties.

 

        This book seeks to remedy this problem by combining clinically tested psychological strategies with real-world advice from twentysomethings to provide you with everything you need for dealing with all the challenges you face during your postcollege years. I also want to emphasize that just because the knowledge in this book will help you cope, it won’t stop you from having the challenges you face after college. While developing the psychological intelligence needed to adapt to the turbulent twenties is a vital component to becoming mentally healthy during this period in life, it’s not the sole element involved in your emotional well-being. You may still be prone to the postcollege blues when faced with the challenges and hazards of the turbulent twenties. However, those twentysomethings who face the realities of postcollege life and make a conscious effort to seek out the knowledge and develop the skills outlined in this book will be much more resilient. When you take this book to heart, you’ll be better equipped to cope with life’s adversities and less likely to surrender to hopelessness and defeat.

 

your after-college road map

        While writing this book I’ve been fortunate enough to work at the American Psychological Association, gaining access to the most cutting-edge psychological research available today. However, there is a problem with lots of this life-changing research—it’s mostly written for professionals or academics. Most everyday people don’t have the time to wade through the jargon and academic language to get to the truth beneath. What I’ve done in The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide is translate this knowledge so you can use it in real life. I’ve taken the latest psychological research and applied it to what our generation is going through to not only explain the causes of the turbulent twenties but also to show you how to increase your psychological intelligence to create all the solutions you’ll need.

 

        In chapter 1, I will discuss the psychology of the identity shift that takes place as you make the transition from college to the working world. I begin with this aspect of your vision of self because before you can move forward in figuring out who you want to become and what type of life you want to create for yourself, it is vital to develop a solid sense of who you are. In chapters 2 and 3, we’ll look at the factors that influence who you want to become and examine the psychological skills needed to adapt and thrive in today’s turbulent twenties. In chapter 4, we’ll explore how to conquer the postcollege blues by using clinical psychology techniques to make sure that you are mentally strong during your twenties. Then in chapters 5 and 6, I will show you how to apply your psychological intelligence skills to your professional and social life.

 

        It is essential that you read the book from beginning to end, because each chapter builds upon the preceding one. Reading straight through will ensure that you get the most out of this guide. At the end of each chapter you will also find a list of the best psychological books related to each of the topics I discuss. I highly recommend reading these valuable resources. They are written by some of the most amazing psychologists and writers today and will help you to further develop the psychological skills needed to make the hopes and dreams you had in college a reality today.

 

developing your psychological intelligence

        Throughout this book you will find questions to answer and psychological exercises to complete. While you may say to yourself, “Who really does these self-help exercises?” a great deal of psychological research shows that people who engage in this type of bibliotherapy improve their mood, decrease anxiety and depression, and are generally better prepared for all that life can throw at them. Increasing your psychological intelligence and becoming mentally strong is not something that happens just because you get older. It’s something that must be cultivated and practiced just like a musical instrument or any type of sport. The questions and exercises are important not only because they are relevant to what we will be discussing, but also because they will help you jump in and use the psychological power you’ll be learning about.

 

        I highly suggest that you get a journal for answering the questions and doing the exercises found throughout the book. This will give you something concrete to refer to and will allow you to monitor your progress to make sure you’re on the right track. I also encourage you to post your thoughts and ideas online on www.TurbulentTwenties.com. Here you can let fellow twentysomethings know what you are going through as well as read their experiences and the solutions they used for conquering all the challenges they faced after college. You will also find articles about twentysomething life, information on the latest psychological research on our generation, a forum and Q & A section, and links to resources on every aspect of the turbulent twenties. From work to play to dating to personal finances to dealing with stress, www.TurbulentTwenties.com is your one-stop site for everything you’ll need help with during your twenties.

 

you are not alone

        If you’re reading this now, you may be a college student wanting to know what to expect after graduation so you can be prepared for all that you will face during the turbulent twenties. Or maybe you’re a current twentysomething dealing with serious struggles adjusting to life during this chaotic time. You may have tried numerous strategies to cope with this turbulent transitional period. Perhaps you have gone for long walks trying to figure out the causes of your frustration and sadness. Maybe you’re constantly talking to a friend or family member or even seeking professional help to talk through your feelings of uncertainty and doubt. Perhaps you’ve asked your physician for some medication to take the edge off. Or quite possibly, you’ve done nothing at all simply because you felt incapable of taking any action. Your feelings of helplessness, doubt, and despair may have left you so immobilized that the very thought of trying to get your life together seems far too challenging. As a result, you’ve been waiting it out, biding your time, hoping that the dark cloud of sadness will eventually fade. If you’re a parent reading this, perhaps you’re searching for a way to help prepare your child for the challenges of postcollege life. Maybe you’re a close friend reaching out to a loved one who is trying to cope with this difficult period.

 

        Regardless of your reasons for reading this book, The Turbulent Twenties Survival Guide will illuminate what millions of other twentysomethings are experiencing at this very moment, while providing a road map to postcollege life. If there is one goal of this book, it’s to help twentysomethings recognize that the end of college is not the end of life and that each one of us has the power to make our existence significant and meaningful at any age. Precisely to the extent that you attain the proper knowledge and develop the necessary skills, you can achieve all the things you want during your twenties—and beyond.

 

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